Trust, communication, mutual respect and understanding are the foundations of a healthy relationship. More Singaporeans are seeking couple counselling services to work on these areas in their relationship. While couples counselling is commonly associated with waning intimacy or long-term conflicts, these are not the only reasons couples seek out counselling. Couples counselling is an option even from the earlier stages of a relationship. Choosing to embark on counselling reflects the value a couple places on their relationship and the desire to enhance the quality of the relationship. This is a great first step towards developing a stronger bond between partners. In this article, we explore how couples therapy can strengthen communication and understanding to help partners improve mutual understanding, navigate challenges, and strengthen connection and resilience in the relationship.
Understanding Each Other’s Perspective
Partners’ understanding of each other’s perspectives is essential in a healthy relationship. Having openness to the other’s perspectives helps us grow in empathy, reduces incidents of misunderstanding and deepens emotional intimacy. When both parties take the time to see things from each other’s point of view, both can learn to better appreciate the experiences, emotions and needs of the other even where they may differ from each other. With an openness to accepting that both parties are different individuals but yet have a common desire to be in a relationship and to work through issues together in partnership, it is possible to still find common ground despite differences.
Counsellors or therapists are trained professionally to ask questions during couples counselling or therapy to help both parties to develop greater awareness of themselves and their internal experiences. The counsellor or therapist will then further facilitate the process for each partner to express these deeper thoughts and feelings which are significant to the relationship and issues at hand, but may have been unsaid prior to having conscious awareness of them.
In the safety of a counselling session, both parties are guided to also listen at a deeper level while suspending judgement. In the process, both partners experience being heard as well as listening to the other. What results is better understanding of each other’s viewpoints and greater empathy towards each other.
Learning How to Manage Differences
No two individuals are alike and differences in perspectives , values, and familiar habits are inevitable. A key element of a healthy relationship is finding ways to manage these differences constructively. Besides hearing and respecting each other, another key to managing differences is the willingness to negotiate the differences rather than to insist on one’s way as the only way. In any relationship, if either or both parties hold the perspective of “I am right”, or “I know best” and forcefully imposes this on the other party with no room to negotiate differences respectfully, the result is most likely conflict, frustration, emotional distance and a break-down in trust in the relationship.
Tactfully managing differences with mutual respect can shift disagreements from one of heated conflict and division to one of opportunity for growth in partnership. During couples counselling sessions, couples can learn to identify patterns of interaction that may be unproductive or harmful to their relationship, as well as their own choices of behaviours when they experience differences between them. In the process, partners are also coming together to experience and learn healthier ways of handling conflicts.
Through counselling, couples can experience how negotiating differences and respectfully setting boundaries with the mindset of win-win for both parties can bring about safety in the relationship where both parties feel accepted, valued and respected. This is in contrast to the “win-lose” mentality or the “need to be right over the other” that partners may consciously or unconsciously bring with them into situations of disagreements.
Couples who have experienced couples counselling or therapy support and followed-through with the process are often better equipped to handle subsequent challenges in their relationship with patience and optimism. This is because there is now the confidence of knowing there is a trusted partner journeying alongside who shares the common picture of how to work through the challenges together in this relationship.
Building Resilience
No relationship is free from challenges, and the ability to handle these difficulties together strengthens the bond between partners. Beyond quick fixes, it’s more important to show patience and support one another through tough times. Building resilience in a relationship helps couples face life as a team. Where challenges arise, the couple is able to transform what may seem like obstacles into moments of shared experiences and building blocks for their life together.
Rather than focusing solely on finding immediate solutions, couples counselling empowers partners to stay connected and get along even when they may not fully agree on everything. With guided facilitation and reflective conversations that help couples shift from confrontation to collaboration, partners can grow in understanding of each other and acquire the skills to deal with disputes in the relationship. As they learn to work together to face difficult issues together, their resilience grows as a couple. This in turn leads to a more enduring and healthy relationship.
Regardless of the nature of the relationship struggles and how long the issues have been present in the relationship, therapy and counselling can benefit you, your partner and your relationship. At In Focus, we offer couples counselling and marriage counselling to couples in different stages of their relationship and also across all types of intimate relationships.
Contact us today for more information.