Grief and Loss Counselling

“Losses are the shadow of all possessions – material and immaterial”
Carlos Sluzki, family therapist
Understanding Grief
Grief is the intense pain that accompanies loss, experienced most deeply when we lose or are about to lose someone we love, whether through death or the end of a significant relationship. However, grief is not confined to the loss of people; it also includes things such as our job, health, familiar environment, hopes, identity, and purpose. Both adults and children can experience grief and its related emotions when facing these kinds of losses.
While grief is undeniably painful, it can also be a profoundly transformative process. Shakespeare captures this beautifully with the words, “Tears water our growth.” Many grief experts believe that healthy grieving is an important part of our human experience and development. We grieve because we have loved, and we grieve to honour the relationship we had with who and what we have lost.
Grief counselling and therapy provides a compassionate space to help us navigate these emotions, helping us find ways to cope and heal.
The Stages and Complex Feelings of Grief
Grief is often described as a journey, and how we experience it can differ greatly from person to person. Although there are common feelings often associated with grief, they do not occur in a linear manner, and not everyone goes through them in the same way.
- Denial: In the beginning, it can be hard to fully grasp the reality of a loss. Denial often acts as a buffer, helping us process difficult emotions gradually.
- Anger: As reality sets in, feelings of frustration, resentment, or even anger may emerge. This anger can sometimes be directed at others, ourselves, or even the situation itself.
- Bargaining: During this stage, we may try to make deals or find ways to reverse the loss, often in the form of “if only” thoughts. It’s an attempt to regain control over a situation that feels out of our hands.
- Sadness: Deep sadness or feelings of emptiness can take over as we fully face the magnitude of the loss. During this period, we may withdraw or feel emotionally drained.
- Acceptance: Over time, we may begin to adapt to life with the loss. Acceptance doesn’t mean forgetting but finding a way to carry the memory forward while moving ahead.
How Grief Affects Emotions, Body, and Mind
Grief affects our emotions, bodies, and minds in significant ways. Emotionally, we may experience sadness, confusion, or even guilt. Physically, grief might show up as fatigue, changes in eating habits, or trouble sleeping. Mentally, it can leave us feeling foggy or unable to focus.
Grief counselling can help us understand these experiences, feel supported as well as learn to live in a way that honours the memories and relationship with who and what was dear to us while learning to transition through to a season of life that may appear to be different from before. With compassionate guidance, we can begin to care for ourselves holistically during this difficult time.
Different Types of Grief
We experience losses differently and grief does not look the same for everyone.
- Anticipatory Grief: This happens when we anticipate a loss that is to come , such as the decline of a loved one or a major life change.
- Complicated Grief: For some, the pain of loss feels prolonged and complex, , leaving us feeling stuck or overwhelmed. Additional support can help us work through these feelings.
- Disenfranchised Grief: When a loss is not widely acknowledged—like a miscarriage, a relationship that is not open, a pet, and even ideals—it can feel isolating. Counselling and therapy provides a safe place for the pain to be expressed and validated, and to receive support and help in the grieving process.
Reactions to Grief and Loss
Grief is a multi-faceted experience, unique to each individual. Although it is a universal emotion, everyone’s expression of grief is different. It encompasses a wide range of emotional, behavioural, physical, and cognitive reactions:
- Emotional reactions: Includes shock, denial, sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, resentment, anxiety and more.
- Behavioural reactions: May manifest as withdrawal, loss of interest in daily tasks such as personal grooming and responsibilities, restless over-activity, avoiding places with strong memories, revisiting places associated with memories, and turning to substances for relief.
- Cognitive reactions: These may involve preoccupations with the deceased, difficulty concentrating, memory issues, and longing for the deceased.
- Physical reactions: May include tearfulness, sleep disturbances, changes in appetite, low energy, restlessness or agitation, hyperactivity, aches and pains, and increased susceptibility to illness.
Commonly Known and Lesser Known Losses
Grief can arise not only from losing a person but also from losing something we are attached to. These losses often include intangible elements that may not be immediately obvious but are significant to us. Some of the more commonly known losses include:
- Death of a family member / friend / significant person / pet
- Divorce or Family Transitions
- Relocation
- Loss of loved ones, home and possessions due to accidents and disasters
- Lesser known losses include the following, but are not exhaustive
- End of a relationship
- Breakup of a family
- Miscarriage, infertility
- Loss of health, function, faculties, or independence
(due to injuries, disabilities, or illness) - Loss of job (e.g. resignation, dismissal, retrenchment, retirement)
- Not getting a promotion or passing an exam
- Loss of identity and purpose (e.g. retirement, change in marital / family / job situation)

Consequences of Suppressed or Unprocessed Grief
When there isn’t an opportunity, safe space or understanding to properly grieve, feelings may become suppressed. Over time, this can adversely affect our emotions, behaviour, physical well-being, and relationships. If left unaddressed, grief can impact our interactions with others, daily functioning, and decision-making processes.
Support and Healing: The Role of Counselling in Grief
Grief is something we all face in different ways, but it is not something we have to go through alone. Grief counselling and therapy offers a safe and supportive space to help with processing the emotions that come with loss. At In Focus, our counsellors offer the warm and empathic space for individuals experiencing grief to experience being supported and understood in the grief journey.
Each person’s grief journey and healing process is very personal and individual. In these sessions, counsellors will facilitate the process of expressing emotions that seem to be beyond words and help the person grieving to connect with memories and experiences in a personally meaningful way. This work helps individuals grieving to also develop ways to manage the loss in a manner that honours the individual’s story, experiences and context. Grieving and healing is a process that cannot be rushed. Reaching out for grief counselling and therapy is a step towards experiencing comfort and support, one step at a time. With a counsellor’s support, individuals grieving will find that the road ahead more manageable, regain strength navigating this season of loss and even come to find meaning in the midst of struggle.
How do I know if I need grief counselling, or if someone I know needs grief counselling?
The need for grief counselling depends on the intensity of one’s struggle, how it affects daily functioning, the availability of support, and whether the bereaved feels safe and open to grieving around family and loved ones. Some may seek grief counselling despite having support at home, often to avoid burdening others with their grief.
Grief counselling is particularly recommended when the loss is sudden, occurs under distressing circumstances, or when one feels alone and misunderstood in their grief because it is not acknowledged by family, friends, or society.
What is grief counselling like?
In grief counselling, you are invited to express your feelings and thoughts no matter how intense they are in order to connect with them and understand them. This process is crucial for honouring your own experiences and feelings, as well as your relationship with the person or thing you have lost.
Furthermore, grief counselling also involves helping you come to terms with the loss and adjusting to the change in a healthy and life-giving manner, based on your own readiness.
How long will grief counselling take?
Grief is akin to a wound that requires both time and care to heal. It is not a process which can be rushed. Instead, when your grief is met with compassion and gentleness, it can be a process that profoundly transforms your journey through life.
Can grief counselling help if my loss happened years ago?
Yes, grief counselling can be beneficial no matter when the loss occurred. Unresolved feelings may surface even after time has passed , and counselling offers support to process the loss and the emotions associated with the loss, and in a gentle gradual way come to acceptance and make sense of the loss and its meaning for our life.
How can grief counselling help me understand my emotions better?
Grief counselling can provide a supportive space for you to explore and understand the complex emotions that often come with loss. Our counsellor will guide you through processing your feelings without judgment, helping you make sense of the emotions you’re experiencing and find ways to navigate them in a healthy way.
Contact us or book an appointment to find out how we can support you during this time.
ABOUT US
At In Focus, we empathise with our clients as they go through myriad of life’s problems, stresses and challenges which are overwhelming at times. As these happened to us too. The only difference is, it is our profession to help others overcome these life hurdles so as to live life to the fullest.
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Phone: +65 8725 9303
Email: enquiry@in-focus.com.sg