Grief and Loss Counselling

grief counselling and therapy

“Losses are the shadow of all possessions – material and immaterial”
Carlos Sluzki, family therapist

Understanding Grief

Grief is the intense pain that accompanies loss, experienced most deeply when we lose or are about to lose someone we love, whether through death or the end of a significant relationship. However, grief is not confined to the loss of people; it also includes things such as our job, health, familiar environment, hopes, identity, and purpose. Both adults and children can experience grief and its related emotions when facing these kinds of losses.

While grief is undeniably painful, it can also be a profoundly transformative process. Shakespeare captures this beautifully with the words, “Tears water our growth.” Many grief experts believe that healthy grieving is an important part of our human experience and development. We grieve because we have loved, and we grieve to honour the relationship we had with who and what we have lost.

Grief counselling and therapy provides a compassionate space to help us navigate these emotions, helping us find ways to cope and heal.

The Stages and Complex Feelings of Grief

Grief is often described as a journey, and how we experience it can differ greatly from person to person. Although there are  common feelings often associated with grief, they do not occur in a linear manner, and not everyone goes through them in the same way.

  • Denial: In the beginning, it can be hard to fully grasp the reality of a loss. Denial often acts as a buffer, helping us process difficult emotions gradually.
  • Anger: As reality sets in, feelings of frustration, resentment, or even anger may emerge. This anger can sometimes be directed at others, ourselves, or even the situation itself.
  • Bargaining: During this stage, we may try to make deals or find ways to reverse the loss, often in the form of “if only” thoughts. It’s an attempt to regain control over a situation that feels out of our hands.
  • Sadness: Deep sadness or feelings of emptiness can take over as we fully face the magnitude of the loss. During this period, we may withdraw or feel emotionally drained.
  • Acceptance: Over time, we may begin to adapt to life with the loss. Acceptance doesn’t mean forgetting but finding a way to carry the memory forward while moving ahead.

How Grief Affects Emotions, Body, and Mind

Grief affects our emotions, bodies, and minds in significant ways. Emotionally, we may experience sadness, confusion, or even guilt. Physically, grief might show up as fatigue, changes in eating habits, or trouble sleeping. Mentally, it can leave us feeling foggy or unable to focus.

Grief counselling can help us understand these experiences, feel supported as well as learn to live in a way that honours the memories and relationship with who and what was dear to us while learning to transition through to a season of life that may appear to be different from before. With compassionate guidance, we can begin to care for ourselves holistically during this difficult time.

Different Types of Grief

We experience losses differently and grief does not look the same for everyone.

  • Anticipatory Grief: This happens when we anticipate a loss that is to come , such as the decline of a loved one or a major life change.
  • Complicated Grief: For some, the pain of loss feels prolonged and complex, , leaving us feeling stuck or overwhelmed. Additional support can help us work through these feelings.
  • Disenfranchised Grief: When a loss is not widely acknowledged—like a miscarriage, a relationship that is not open, a pet, and even ideals—it can feel isolating. Counselling and therapy provides a safe place for the pain to be expressed and validated, and to receive support and help in the grieving process.

Reactions to Grief and Loss

Grief is a multi-faceted experience, unique to each individual. Although it is a universal emotion, everyone’s expression of grief is different. It encompasses a wide range of emotional, behavioural, physical, and cognitive reactions:

  • Emotional reactions: Includes shock, denial, sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, resentment, anxiety and more.
  • Behavioural reactions: May manifest as withdrawal, loss of interest in daily tasks such as personal grooming and responsibilities, restless over-activity, avoiding places with strong memories, revisiting places associated with memories, and turning to substances for relief.
  • Cognitive reactions: These may involve preoccupations with the deceased, difficulty concentrating, memory issues, and longing for the deceased.
  • Physical reactions: May include tearfulness, sleep disturbances, changes in appetite, low energy, restlessness or agitation, hyperactivity, aches and pains, and increased susceptibility to illness.

Commonly Known and Lesser Known Losses

Grief can arise not only from losing a person but also from losing something we are attached to. These losses often include intangible elements that may not be immediately obvious but are significant to us. Some of the more commonly known losses include:

  • Death of a family member / friend / significant person / pet
  • Divorce or Family Transitions
  • Relocation
  • Loss of loved ones, home and possessions due to accidents and disasters
  • Lesser known losses include the following, but are not exhaustive
  • End of a relationship
  • Breakup of a family
  • Miscarriage, infertility
  • Loss of health, function, faculties, or independence
    (due to injuries, disabilities, or illness)
  • Loss of job (e.g. resignation, dismissal, retrenchment, retirement)
  • Not getting a promotion or passing an exam
  • Loss of identity and purpose (e.g. retirement, change in marital / family / job situation)
grief therapy and counselling 2

Consequences of Suppressed or Unprocessed Grief

When there isn’t an opportunity, safe space or understanding to properly grieve, feelings may become suppressed. Over time, this can adversely affect our emotions, behaviour, physical well-being, and relationships. If left unaddressed, grief can impact our interactions with others, daily functioning, and decision-making processes.

Support and Healing: The Role of Counselling in Grief

Grief is something we all face in different ways, but it is not something we have to go through alone. Grief counselling and therapy offers a safe and supportive space to help with processing the emotions that come with loss. At In Focus, our counsellors offer the warm and empathic space for individuals experiencing grief to experience being supported and understood in the grief journey.

Each person’s grief journey and healing process is very personal and individual. In these sessions, counsellors will facilitate the process of expressing emotions that seem to be beyond words and help the person grieving to connect with memories and experiences in a personally meaningful way. This work helps individuals grieving to also develop ways to manage the loss in a manner that honours the individual’s story, experiences and context. Grieving and healing is a process that cannot be rushed. Reaching out for grief counselling and therapy is a step towards experiencing comfort and support, one step at a time. With a counsellor’s support, individuals grieving will find that the road ahead more manageable, regain strength navigating this season of loss and even come to find meaning in the midst of struggle.

The need for grief counselling depends on the intensity of one’s struggle, how it affects daily functioning, the availability of support, and whether the bereaved feels safe and open to grieving around family and loved ones. Some may seek grief counselling despite having support at home, often to avoid burdening others with their grief.

Grief counselling is particularly recommended when the loss is sudden, occurs under distressing circumstances, or when one feels alone and misunderstood in their grief because it is not acknowledged by family, friends, or society.

In grief counselling, you are invited to express your feelings and thoughts no matter how intense they are in order to connect with them and understand them. This process is crucial for honouring your own experiences and feelings, as well as your relationship with the person or thing you have lost.

Furthermore, grief counselling also involves helping you come to terms with the loss and adjusting to the change in a healthy and life-giving manner, based on your own readiness.

Grief is akin to a wound that requires both time and care to heal. It is not a process which can be rushed. Instead, when your grief is met with compassion and gentleness, it can be a process that profoundly transforms your journey through life.

Yes, grief counselling can be beneficial no matter when the loss occurred. Unresolved feelings may surface even after time has passed , and counselling offers support to process the loss and the emotions associated with the loss, and in a gentle gradual way come to acceptance and make sense of the loss and its meaning for our life.

Grief counselling can provide a supportive space for you to explore and understand the complex emotions that often come with loss. Our counsellor will guide you through processing your feelings without judgment, helping you make sense of the emotions you’re experiencing and find ways to navigate them in a healthy way.

Contact us or book an appointment to find out how we can support you during this time.

ABOUT US

At In Focus, we empathise with our clients as they go through myriad of life’s problems, stresses and challenges which are overwhelming at times. As these happened to us too. The only difference is, it is our profession to help others overcome these life hurdles so as to live life to the fullest.

OUR SERVICES

We have a range of services available for your consideration depending on your needs. You can get in touch with us for coaching services, corporate consultation, professional training, counselling and psychotherapy services. Please visit our services page to see what we offer.

CONTACT US

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Chan Pei Lin

Master of Guidance and Counselling (MGC)

Counsellor Masters in Guidance and Counselling (MGC), James Cook University Bachelor of Arts (Psychology), University of Buffalo New York State

I have always had a keen interest in working with children and youth. I find it fulfilling and meaningful to be working, supporting and guiding them, and I now have more than eight years of experience in this area. After graduating from the University of Buffalo, New York State with a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology, I started working with children and youth with Special Needs in early intervention. From my interactions with my clients over these years, I have come to see that being able to provide the emotional support that they and their families need is very important.

Being diagnosed with dyslexia and tactile defensives (Sensory Integrative Disorder), I remember the unconditional and judgement-free support I received from families and friends that got me through the various challenges. Therefore, I aim to offer the same unconditional support and judgement-free interaction to all my clients. Through my personal experience, I understand how crucial it is for individuals to develop a strong emotional foundation and a support network, especially those in similar circumstance. Therefore, I strongly believe in journeying and supporting individuals through stressful times, and in working with their loved ones through the strengthening of the bonds within the family unit.

I am trained in the major counselling and therapeutic approaches and also in Choice Theory Reality Therapy and Behavioural Therapy. My work is informed by Person Centred Therapy, Emotion Focused Therapy, and Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy. Beyond children and youth, I have counselled clients in other settings and age groups including young adults and families. I am particularly interested in supporting people in building resilience and skills to cope with stress, anxiety adjustments and overall socio-emotional needs. Given my own personal and work experience, I firmly believe that everyone deserves a chance in a fulfilling life. To better support my clients, I am currently pursuing my certification for Choice Theory and Reality Therapy after obtaining my Masters in Guidance and Counselling at James Cook University.

Evelyn Rochelle Koh

Senior Principal Counsellor, Counselling Psychotherapist, Clinical Supervisor

Master of Social Science (Counselling), CTRTC, EFT, EFCT
Clinical Supervisor & Instructor (Senior Faculty of William Glasser International & William Glasser Institute, Singapore)

Certified Human Behaviour Analyst (DISC)
Certified PREPARE-ENRICH

I developed a passion in counselling when I started out as a school volunteer counsellor working with youth. I saw the transformative power of the counselling relationship on the youths in school and even later in life beyond school. This was a life changing experience for me and I was spurred to setup my own private counselling and psychotherapy practice in 2004. That was a time when there were few counselling and consultation services in Singapore. Since then, I have been working with youths, couples, parents, working adults on their emotional issues and mental health and well-being through counselling and psychotherapy for over 20 years.

Beyond helping my clients within the counselling room, I believe in tapping on the multiplier effect to bring healing and strength to individuals, and relationships between couples and within families. I thus expanded my work and I now devote a large portion of my time towards raising the skills and competencies of the helping profession through lecturing, training, clinical supervision and consultancy services.

My area of passion and specialisation is Choice Theory, Reality Therapy, Lead Management (CTRTLM) because it is highly empowering. I thus find great joy in training counsellors, therapist, social workers, coaches, leaders and managers in this area.  I am also trained in Emotion Focused Therapy, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy and Gottman Couples Therapy and my work is also informed by therapeutic models such as Positive Psychology, Humanistic Therapy, Experiential Therapy and Systemic Family Therapy.

I am grateful to have the opportunity to work with organisations across different sectors, ranging from Youth Centers, Family Service Centers and Specialist Centers to the Health Promotion Board (HPB) and Ministry of Education (MOE). The latter two involved projects where I was able to share my passion for helping youth in Singapore. With the HPB, I helped develop the Peer Support Program for youth and conducted training for youth leaders from tertiary institutions and for those involved in the online peer support network “Youthpals”. With the MOE, I conducted cluster training for school counsellors and teachers on counselling and therapy skills to better help our students.

It is also my firm conviction that all situations of loss and pain can be opportunities for deep healing, growth and connection. I have thus been committed to providing regular training on the topic of “Grief and Loss” to social service practitioners through the Social Service Institute (SSI).

Curriculum Vitae

  • Registered Singapore Counselor with Singapore Association for Counselling (SAC)
  • Registered Clinical Supervisor with Singapore Association for Counselling (SAC)
  • Registered Social Service Practitioner with Singapore Association of Social Workers (SASW)
  • Professional member of the American Counselling Association (ACA)
  • Senior Faculty member as Approved Instructor and Supervisor of William Glasser International and William Glasser Institute, Singapore. At William Glasser Institute, Singapore, Evelyn is serving in the Executive Committee to advocate Dr. William Glasser’s teaching in Choice Theory Psychology, Reality Therapy and Lead Management.
  • External Lecturer/ Clinical Supervisor, Swinburne University of Technology
  • Clinical Supervisor, James Cook University Singapore, Monash University
  • Associate Adult Educator, Social Service Institute
  • Trained in Gottman Couples Therapy, The Gottman Institute
  • Trained in Emotion-Focused Therapy, York University, EFT Clinic
  • Trained in Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy, Canada