Relationship Issues Counselling and Therapy

Why Relationship Counselling and Therapy Matters

We are all involved with people throughout our lives – including  family, friends, partners, colleagues, and even ourselves. As we navigate these relationships, we may encounter challenges such as conflicts and difficulties in relating with people and developing healthy connections. At times we may feel at a loss about how to manage the different relationships in our life, or even exhausted and overwhelmed trying to do so

At In Focus, relationship counselling is for individuals who want to improve how they relate with others including their friends, partner and/or family, It is also suitable for individuals discerning whether to be in committed long-term relationships, or who are navigating the challenges and struggles from having ended a significant relationship. 

For couples and family, In Focus also offers counselling for couples and family members through couples counselling, marriage counselling or family counselling to address the challenges in the relationship. These are options where the parties involved desire to work together to improve their relationship, and are available to do so. Otherwise, relationship counselling for individuals is an option to start with as well. 

Our Fast-Paced City Life and the Impact on Relationships

In our busy fast-paced modern life, we often face many demands. Living in a bustling city like Singapore can take really a toll on us. Long work hours, tight schedules, and the grind of daily life can be stressful. At times this feeling of stress and constant pressure may impact how we relate to people at work, at home, in our friendships and relationship with our partner or spouse. In addition, we may struggle to find time and space to nurture our relationships with family, friends, colleagues and people we value.

Familial, Cultural and Societal Expectations and The Impact on Relationships

Familial, cultural and societal expectations can influence and support us or add additional  layers of complexity to our relationships and how we relate with each other. We may face challenges associated with expectations in terms of our choices and our behaviour. Some of such expectations affecting us in our relationships may be things we heard from people around us, or which we may form as our own belief. Some of the more common ones may be:

• “Be accommodating, don’t be a problem”
• “Don’t question authority and just comply for your good”
• “Don’t bring embarrassment and shame to the family”
• “Be good and filial”
• “Be productive and useful”  
• “Be strong and don’t show weakness” 

The above statements may appear intellectually correct. Nonetheless, how we perceive such expectations and how we live them out impacts the way we relate with ourselves, the way we relate with others and our relationships. Over time, these play out in how we feel in our relationships with people. Some of this includes often feeling

• Exhausted and tired out caring about others
• Anxious and worried about others see us 
• Guilty about our behaviour and feeling the need to over-compensate 
• Small and unimportant in the relationship
• Frustrated, angry and unjust in how we are being treated
• Feeling lost and unsure about what really matters to us

Over time, our relationships become less satisfying and connecting to us if these experiences and feelings are not understood and addressed.

Signs That Relationship Counselling May Be For You

Our feelings tell us when our needs are not met, and an indication that we may be struggling with our boundaries and communicating them in our relationship. When we experience recurring negative feelings in our relationships, and have difficulty communicating our needs to people around us such as friends, partners and family members, this is where relationship counselling and psychotherapy can offer support. 

Relationship counselling for individuals provides a neutral space to explore these experiences. It can be a starting point in finding support to better understand ourselves and our communication patterns by incorporating our understanding of the other’s perceptions as well as the dynamics involved. This can help heal from past hurts and create healing and effective communication patterns, thus strengthening our relationship.  

Relationship counselling is suitable for individuals facing a range of issues in relationships, including:

• Communication struggles and difficulty expressing one’s needs
• Challenges with intimacy and connection
• Difficulty trusting others 
• Strained relationships with family, friends or other loved ones
• Challenges responding to dominance, control, contempt, or aggression in relationship 
• Confusion and doubt about experiences in a relationship
• Difficulty setting and maintaining healthy boundaries 
• Feeling alone, anxious, insecure or emotionally drained in friendships and relationships
• Navigating workplace relationships
• Managing conflicts and differences with others
• Concern about being disliked and tendency to people-please 
• Feeling stuck in unhealthy coping mechanisms or self-sabotaging behaviours
• Past hurts or grief affecting current friendships and relationships
• Decision-making struggles in friendships and relationships
• Struggling with a recent relationship break-up, separation or divorce

The Value of Relationship Counselling

Understandably, we are often busy and may struggle to find time and space to look into our relationships and how we relate with the people we value most. Yet, investing time and energy in relationship counselling is one of the most valuable thing we can do for ourselves in helping us towards living a fulfilling life. This is because we all need at least one person who we trust and can feel safe, accepted, valued and connected with. When the important relationships in our life are unsatisfying to us over time, or has come to an end, other associated issues such as anxiety, depression, anger, or grief may also arise. Relationship counselling offers the opportunity to attend to these other experiences and feelings where they are present. 

The Journey of Relationship Counselling

At In Focus, relationship counselling and psychotherapy provides a supportive empathic space for our counsellors to work with individuals with relationship struggles to unpack and understand the deeper issues.

In the process, individuals can gain greater emotional awareness, and clarity on personal values and goals vis-à-vis what the individual may have acquired through external influences over time. In relationship counselling, while we incorporate the other’s perceptions to better understand the dynamic, individuals are also able to give voice to hurt or unresolved issues that have been present in the relationships for these to be  attended to by our counsellors to feel understood and validated. This process can help individuals understand the core issues underlying the difficulty in relationships for that individual, begin to heal and gain deeper personal connection with the self, as well as create healing and effective communication patterns, thus improving the relationship. 

When an individual is able to engage loved ones in sessions such as relationship, couples, or family counselling, involving the other party in sessions can be helpful with that additional support enhancing the counselling process. Individual counselling can still be effective even without the involvement of loved ones. While we encourage the involvement of the loved ones, it is not a requirement for relationship counselling.